Excerpts from Newfie Child Support Agency Forms

Midi playing is "The Husky Reel"

 
The following are all replies that Newfoundland women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim McCarthy. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party in Corner Brook where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a Toyota that now has a hole made by my heel in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact Toyota service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that Christ has risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of my child's father as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have terrible implications for the Newfoundland economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was, as all Mainlanders look the same to me. I can confirm from his accent though that he was a Canadian.

8. Peter Smith is the father of my child. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Wonderland. Maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Martha Stewart did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party in Stephenville, mine might have remained unfertilised.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.